by P.B. Adderly

It seems that extensive records checks and research find no hospital record or birth certificate for Dill's birth.  There is a reason for this, we recently uncovered his family journal and were surprised to read this account of Dill's birth:

"Ma had a bad case of the cramps all mornin' on the day my baby brother was born. Pa had been rubbin a lard based poulstice on her belly when her water broke, (it was more like diarrhea) The stink was godawful, so much that we all thought she had a real bad case of the back-door-trots, so we rushed her to the outhouse.  Just as we sat her down a massive burst of ass spackle spewed from her butt-cheeks, and another severe cramp doubled Ma over.  She said there was still a big turd corkin' up her asshole. That's when me an Pa began poundin' Ma's belly wif our fists, the usuall way we deals wif the constipations.  Ma grunted real loud then we heard a loud plop as baby brother splashed down.  We thought it was a big ol' turd until we heard the squallin'.  Pa fished him out of the septic tank and we cleaned him up best we could, Ma's ass-hole was sore for two weeks. Lookin' back now I suppose there's a reason why we would always find baby brother in the toilet playin' wif his turds.  He didn't cotton much to regular toys, he'd mostly play wif his doo-doo."

How bad does it have to be for an inbred backwoods family to feel shame, we can only wonder what a hideous child Dill was to cause such an embarassment that the family sold their baby to a travelling freak show where he went on display as the "Human Turd".  His Mother would visit him because, even though she shit him out her ass, she still loved him as much as a mother can love a turd.

Lil' Dillard was returned to his parents after a few short months because his exhibit wasn't drawing a crowd.  It seems not many people were interested in viewing a child reputed to be "BORN FROM A WOMAN'S ANUS".  Unfortunately for the sideshow, the fact that Lil' Dill was the product of a sexual union between his mother and a Big Foot creature was not known in time to give him the billing as such, and the freakshow was unable to cash in on Lil' Dill's Sasquatch heritage.  Years later Dillard's mother would reveal the true circumstances of his conception to psychiatrist Dr. Randall Bright, who has made available to us the transcripts that luridly detail the event, in his mother's own words.  We shall present that transcript in a later chapter titled, "There's a Sasquatch Waiting for your Mother in the Tool Shed".

---

Look for the second installment.  It's here somewhere.