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Have a Ciabatta then shut the hell up and watch another Jack in the Box commercial.
For the latest update click here. Let's face it, a lot of us eat at fast food franchises, and with Jack in the Box, not only is our menu of questionable health, but we are supporting and sanctioning the actions of a philandering, egomaniacle big white round headed buffoon. This son of a bitch Jack has been slapping the American public in the face for some time now and we have done nothing but suck it up thinking him perhaps amusing while allowing this distasteful character to display his immoral, spiteful, hateful, ugly racist behaviour on TV commercials every single day.
First and foremost, let us not forget that upon his return to TV commercials his very first act was one of outright terrorism, by blowing up the corporate board room killing several people. Jack in the Box commercials promote spiteful sarcasm, kidnapping, racism, lust, adultery, drug abuse, bad parenting, lying and dirty tricks. Don't believe me? Here's a timeline chronicling and supporting all of the above accusations.
An early commercial (circa 2003) has Jack in the bed listening to his wife's desire for a sandwich. After Jack tells her of his new chicken club, the lights go off and Jack uses this as an opportunity to force his wife into performing oral by saying to her, "You know what would make me happy?". He is not satisfied by giving without getting something in return. A sandwich for a blow-job in effect turns his wife into his very own personal sandwich prostitute. This is a viscious psychological tool that is used by shallow and callous individuals.
The very next commercial has Jack sitting with world famous jet setter George Hamilton and Jack asks him if he "did that caviar in the supermodels belly button thing". Now just what the hell are we supposed to infer by that statement, and where's Jacks wife during all this? I doubt she's at home on all fours getting quarter pounded by the Burger King and his Whopper. The message here is that cheating on your wife is ok as long as it's with Supermodels. He gets oral for cheap sandwiches at home and still seeks sex outside of his marriage
A kidnapping of a poor old Italian woman is next for the sake of Jack's putrid Pan Pannido Sandwich. The woman is obviously agitated and pleads to be released but cannot speak English. Jack takes this opportunity to patronize the old woman and sucker the public into thinking he cares. The woman is being held against her will, this is pure and simple kidnapping under any pretense.
Jack violates airport security by smuggling one of his wretched sandwiches into the country. He is caught but ultimately bribes a corrupt customs official by splitting the illicit sandwich in half. This is not the message to send an easily influenced generation. Smuggling is illegal, period. Making a cute commercial that condones and minimizes any kind of smuggling is not helping National Security. Once again Jack in the Box slips under the radar of decency and lawfulness.
We get to see Jack in the Box's true ugliness and spiteful hate when a subordinate employee offers Jack a morning donut. Surrounded by other of his employees in an elevator, Jack flies into a rage and berates the man for his simple act of thoughtful kindness. The other employees in the elevator shun the man, they themselves fearful of a reprisal. He surrounds himself with spineless cowards and yes men using them as a smokescreen to further promote his agenda. He takes a final jab at the hapless employee by sarcastically telling him to "Enjoy your hole" as he throws the now handled donut back at the employee. This is only the first instance of Jack creating a hostile work environment by bullying his employees. I cannot help but feel sorry for all the people who work for Jack in the Box, and for anyone else that thinks this type of behavior from an employer is acceptable or even remotely funny.
In the next commercial Jack is the judge of a spelling competition where he has assembled a group of children to compete against his punk "wanna be a nigga" (in the vernacular referred to as "Whigger") son, who also sports the oversize round white pustule of a head. The children are hard pressed to spell the trick word and one child, a tubby black boy, asks Jack to use the word in a sentence. The hapless negro child gets the very first letter wrong whereupon Jack immediately lays in with an extended buzzer making the child look stupid, a racial setup where Jack in the Box can flaunt racism. The word ciabatta is spelled quite easily by his son, the one thinks he's a nigga. A complete out and out scam where Jack and his son cheat. A set of family values that only a man of low breeding and character would exhibit.
A commercial whose premise certainly infers the stupidity of the American public would have us believe that Jack is thoughtfully helping out an employee who has trouble waking up. Nothing could be further from the truth. What we have here is Jack playing a harmful and embarassing practical joke on a subordinate. (Notice how a pattern of abuse is being established toward his employees.) The employee obviously has a severe sleep disorder as Jack, with the help of other fearful employees, wheels his bed up to the drive thru order box so he can wake up to one of Jack's pure shit breakfast sandwiches. The blaring loudspeaker cackles on asking to take his order. The staticky outburst jolts the man to standing bolt upright awake. The whole experience is so unnerving to the fellow that he hops around on the bed confused and disoriented, in his tighty whiteys, bulging in full view of a female employee there at Jacks behest. Jack makes a token effort to cover her eyes with his hand, from FIVE FEET AWAY. Then has the nerve to tell Chad to "Put on some jammys". Chad is not in his house and Asshole Jack is ordering him to put on his pajamas? What, are they hanging nearby in a tree, or folded neatly on the hood of the car behind them? No, Jack traumatizes the man then turns the whole thing into a sexual harrassment issue while getting his jollies watching the female employee, the one who can't tear her eyes away from Chad's bulge. Chad needs therapy now and he didn't even get one of Jack's crappy breakfast croissants. This particular commercial is offensive on many levels.
Next comes a commercial where we see Jack astride a horse rallying a bunch of old fat dirty bakers against supposed bread bashers, ala BraveHeart. Not only does this evidence a deep seated paranoia, but exposes him as a peripatetic megalomaniac with delusions of granduer as he sits atop a roof, a big fan blowing the foul stench of his burgers across the slums of San Diego. Does he hand out any of those sandwiches to the poor tenement dwelling inhabitants, or homeless? No,he teases these starving people with the nostril offending stink, and watches from the rooftop as they scavenge his resturant's dumpster.
A more current commercial has Jack ordering at the counter of one of his franchises, ordering one of his distasteful meals from an airheaded teenage girl who doesn't even recognize the bastard, even when he shows her one of his Jack in the Box credit type cards. Again we see him taking advantage of an impaired, and just plain stupid employee that could get a far better job at Arby's or Burger King. Pure and simple exploitation of the socially and economically depressed at its worst, it would not suprise me to see just how many illegal immigrants he possibly has working in the southwest. Does he enroll the girl in a remedial school?, No. And incidentally, have you ever seen Jack himself eat one of his own nauseating sandwiches?
A truly, truly, harmful commercial takes place at the late night drive through. A young, long haired man is sitting in his van trying to decide what to order when lo and behold, the tiny Jack Box plastic bobblehead on his dashboard becomes animate, or otherwise comes to life to hawk his rancid, two dollar tacos. The giggling, clearly stoned on reefer, (if not tripping on acid) pothead now can't decide how many dog-meat tacos to order when the tiny Jack suggests 30, whereupon the stoner is in awe, as that is exactly the amount of fly-blown tacos the drug addled embicile was thinking. Ok, so now is it not only alright to promote drug abuse in Jack in the Box commercials, but also to condone driving under the influence of these illicit drugs. The freakin' stoner had to drive his van to get there. This is a truly dangerous commercial that conveys the message that when you get stoned, and get the munchies at midnight, drive your vehicle to Jack in the Box. You're so stoned and hungry, you won't care that the food tastes like crap, and you won't be feeling anything at all when you're on a morphine drip after causing a fatal car accident. And then when you do regain consciousness, you'll be looking at a vehicular manslaughter charge.
One of the foundations latest commercial offering depicts a couple stranded, their car turned on its side in a ditch. These people need real help, they've been in an accident for christsakes. What does Jack do? He plays head games with them, using the semantics of "stuck in a rut" to mean they need to try a different sandwich, one of his rotten sandwiches. You know, with the bread a fat smelly baker wiped his ass with. He evens sends the tow truck away with the same ruse of "stuck in a rut". A poor black tow truck driver that has apparently been bought off by the big headed millionaire bufoon, asks if Jack told them about his breakfast sandwich, teeming with the fecal spores of a million unwashed hands. Jack couldn't find a poor white tow truck driver to exploit? This could've been the perfect opportunity for Jack to show some kind of humanity, but he does not. He leaves the couple stranded in the middle of nowhere, to possibly die. These are the kind of values that the Jack in the Box commercials are ingraining our youth with.
A fairly recent commercial takes place in the corporate offices. Jack has some food on his face that he is unable to find and wipe off. An employee with whom he is talking, reaches over and gently wipes the offending bit of crumbs from Jacks face. Then it is noticed that Jack's fly is open, the employee reaches down and in to assist Jack with his fly whereupon Jack quickly backs away telling the man, "I've got it!" Jack publicly humiliates the man by using a false come on. You let a guy fondle your face then act all suprised when he reaches for your crotch? The man is humiliated and we don't know if Jack's a homophobe, or just plain mean-spirited. (I'd guess both)
Senior citizens are not safe from Jack in the Box. In the next commercial we see them depicted as psychotic, and rude. Jack, and his wife are at her parent's house. Before we go any further, one question needs to be asked.
Why the hell don't we ever see them with Jack's parents? A group of bubbleheaded bastards and cunts if there ever were one.
So at the coffee table, talk is centered around his foul tasting french fries. Jack antagonizes and confuses the old man with variety, ie curly, straight, price and size until the old man is nearly ranting. Old people do not need to be depicted this way - - it is an insult to all senior citizens.
Oh, but that's not it. Now the old man passes gas and blames it on the dog. Outfuckingrageous.
Okay, now here's the current commercial as of weekending 11mar07.
This latest shows the complete disregard for family values and completely disparages the vegan. Jack's bubbleheaded son is brought back for this one, and it is interesting to note that the boy has gone from the streetpunk wigger that we saw last time at the very same school auditorium (spelling bee) to a nice and very white sounding balloon headed boy. The boy is onstage giving a career presentation, Jack and wife are in the audience, and are all smiles until he hears the young boy cite that he wants to be a vegetarian when he grows up. Jack and wife react dramatically throwing hands to head and moaning. They are noticeably embarassed by their son.
But wait, the son continues talking about how he wants to help animals - - he meant veteranarian; oh, now everything's OK, Jack and wifey are all smiles and laughs again while everyone's applauding. What's not wrong with any of this? First, no parent should show public disdain for their children. The parent is there to support the child (Jack's who is by now mentally confused) and guide them to what that child's wants, and aptitudes ask for, not laugh at them. The second is a seemingly innocuous but indirect barb this commercial directs towards vegans in generally. In reality, this little message is going to devestate on the subliminal level of conciousness. Despise vegans, abhor, and hate them. This is one of Jack in the Box's most dangerous commercials to date.
June 07
There are actually two commercials that expand on the same idea for the latest in the onslaught of Jack in the Box commercials. There's really no harm or foul (except to his competition)as with the other commercials I have reviewed, but the sheer stupidity here gives me pause. I wonder who the genius is that wrote this assinine sad excuse for a commercial(s). A very unclever attempt is made to compare other hamburgers to an anus. It would be funny if the "angus area" was not actually the whole cow. Allow me to explain, in these commercials Jack is conducting a meeting regarding the launch of his new Sirloin Burger, the most awesomely putrid wretch of compost yet. On the wall is a butchers diagram of a cow, you know the ones. Like a bunch of morons his employees giggle and ask Jack to show them the "Angus area" of the cow, the area where the Angus Burger hails. Jack gets all smarmy and refuses to point to the Angus on the cow diagram. This is not funny at all, unless you like to laugh at shit that doesn't really make sense because Angus is the name of an entire type of cow. Show us how stupid you are and buy into this crap. Jack in the Box is pure shit.
More Jack in the Box timeline will be posted as his socially degrading, insulting and dangerous commercials are televised, and seen by me, Rev. Eli
Any and all comments or questions on this editorial are welcome, just send and email to: yellowbrickpope@gmail.com
