TRANSLATOR'S NOTE: Throughout the course of these letters, it appears the Pontiff is relocated several times to different penal institutions in an attempt, I believe, to keep his captivity hidden from the public. It is not known what circumstances have led to his imprisonment, and we can only speculate as to the Vatican's role here.
08.02.02
My Elizabeth,
Hello my love. They've moved me to the Stewart and Mohave facility, it's the city jail, but they house the county's overflow. This place is worse than CCDC, its severely crowded as there are 200+ inmates in the unit where I reside, 4 men to a cell. We're locked down 18 of 24 hours, every fucking day. It's getting claustrophobic. It feels like I'm slowly being absorbed, losing my identity to the criminal group mind. I'm becoming disassociated with reality, and am quietly depressed. Often whenever I wake up, a sick, hollow feeling washes over me, draining me, BUT, when I think of you my Elizabeth, and the promise of more years together, more laughter, and love, it is more than enough to sustain me, to buoy my heart above the turbulent storm that batters me.
08.03.02
Elizabeth my love, you don't know how good it was to hear your voice today, it was so reassuring, so wonderful, I love you so much. Yet, when I think about what I've contributed, what I've done, I don't feel so good, maybe I can learn from this horrid past, and build us a better future my love. Please forgive me and look forward .
I've told you about the phones today babe, it's ok though, I'd stand on one leg and wait for hours, give up my dinner, (and some commissary) to hear your sweet, sweet voice.
right now, everyone is locked in their cells watching Resident Evil,(you can see the main tv from your cell doors) only problem is that it's the third time they've shown it. The correctional officers, (CO's) don't turn on local broadcasts at all, it's always movies.(rented I suppose) Sometimes they play porno, I never watch of course. I play cards and try to make myself deaf to the screaming that comes from the shower area. Watching Resident Evil, reminds me of how we like to watch scary movies together, the suspense when I whisper in your ear, and quickly grab you, making you jump (you don't like that, I know) I'm smiling just thinking about it, smiling right now, I love you so much baby. Pall
08.04.02
Good Morning My Love,
Chow is called early here in Vegas, 4am. I think that's a little too early, it's not like we have a full day of casino hopping scheduled.
Hey, speaking of casinos, guess which one I say this morning during transport. It's still standing, in silent testament to our love, the beginning of that which has always been, and will forever endure, the one casino that will never be forgotten, The World Famous, Western Hotel and Casino on Fremont.
Ok, back to breakfast. I can tell you in one word..shit, it's worse than Carson City Jail. They mainly serve cereal, once a week we get waffles, (nowhere near the waffles you make) no sausage or bacon. The only good thing is we get scrambled eggs every morning, scrambled soft, exactly to my liking, as you should well know. You can be happy knowing that I have a small cheer in my otherwise dark confines.
Cleaned our cell this morning, we take turns cleaning, two or three times a week I guess. Must keep a clean cell, protect from who knows what a cell mate might have.
We have a new guest from Ethiopia in the cell today. He's in here for (get this) "throwing a deadly missile", a regular terrorist this guy. They take him out every morning for interrogation, and each time her returns more beaten than the last. They should make the questioning every other day so to make the bruising consistently fresh looking.
Ok, they've called "free" time and let us all out, it must be 1pm then, there are no clocks here. Time no longer exists, the moments I experience cannot be measured, the moment is limitless, and so is the pain of being apart from you.
They've put a movie on again, Joe Dirt. I haven't been that interested in watching movies, but I watch anyway, whatever helps pass the time. Without you in my arms, without you in the room, without you in the building, without you in the county, (at least we're still in the same state) without you the movies are bland and uninteresting. I watch like a brainless deaf and dumb mute, void of expression. I am a void. Why am I such a void, why am I such a void, why am I such a void.
When we are reunited, then I will enjoy a movie comedy, perhaps a dog humping a persons leg shall again make me laugh. I miss you, I Love You. Pall
08.05.02
Elizabeth, I hope you are feeling well today because perhaps I should document a potential problem I may be having with another inmate, a cell mate, and I may need a record of the proceedings for some sort of evidentiary purpose.
Here's the situation, there's this black kid named Clarence, a cell mate. Clarence doesn't eat his breakfast, ever. He hates the eggs, the milk, the cereal, the waffles, he rarely eats any portion of it. So he's been giving it to another cell mate named G.T. who is also black by the way. G.T. doesn't offer to share, he greedily eats it all. Here's what I did about it, you know how hungry I am in the morning, and you know that the scrambled eggs here deserved to be copied into your menu, so last night I made a deal with Clarence, (while G.T. slept) for those delicious eggs, and bread slice. I give Clarence the juice and cookies from my lunch tray, for those tasty scrambled eggs.(and bread slice)
Is neighbor G.T. upset? You bet he is.
I knew what to expect Liz, don't worry. This morning, he saw me taking Clarence's scrambled eggs, so I offered him half to avoid hard feelings, I have a more humanitarian nature for an inmate.
He refused my offer of kindness, and prefers to remain sullen, and skulk about butt hurt. Does he plan to retaliate? I believe he gets out in two weeks, so he has that long to decide. I'm not worried about it, I'm just making a point to you about my decision making process.
would it have been better to have left everything well enough alone? I think you will say yes, but you must realize how hungry I am in the morning, and much I truly enjoy the scrambled eggs here. The opportunity arose to receive extra of these wonderful eggs and I was compelled to take action, and realize this good fortune.
----
Evening now, and we're in the day room ordering commissary, and because of that missing check, it'll be two or three weeks before I get commissary. I ordered a welfare pack, guess what you get, one envelope, ONE GOD DAMNED ENVELOPE ELIZABETH, and I won't get that till the 9th. I need an envelope soon or I'll have written too many pages to stuff in one envelope. I can't even get a kite until tomorrow.
I still don't have a court date for the revocation hearing. I sent a kite, (request form) asking for that particular information yesterday, and I try to call the district court offices everyday to find out when I will appear. So, in the meanwhile Ive been working on what I will say to Mosely. Would you like to hear what I have thus far Elizabeth?
"Your Incredible Honor Sir, I do not question the integrity, nor the work ethics of my Carson City probation officer(s), but I had reported to her one time only, how can she be so sure that she can predict future hostility and lawlessness based on a single police report. Her heavy handed violation report leaves me fully confused and wounded. I will always have an alcohol problem, and whether I am on probation, set free, or locked down, I will continue to combat this problem. It is a shame that my drunken antics have marred an otherwise spotless record during the last year and a half of probation. I've paid all my fees on time, attended and completed counseling, have always remained employed and provided for my family, and never, not one dirty urine. I do not entertain any thoughts of reinstatement your Honor, for I can no longer tolerate an atmosphere in wich invasive supervision and excessive discipline is considered normal. I only ask that you to see your way clear to arrange for me to serve my sentence in Carson City, where I might be able to be closer to my wife. Please consider the hardship she suffers in my absence.
Ok then Elizabeth, how'd you like it? Pretty good huh. I will do a rewrite, (or two) perhaps I shall filibuster the courtroom.
I should be reading your letter tonight, they hand out mail call at midnight, odd. If so, I'll reply to you in this letter and save paper, (not to mention the envelope issue)
I give you all my love as long as you have room to keep it. Pall
08.06.02
Well my darling Liz, there was no mail for me last night, no check again.
Our time on the phone is not enough to satisfy my need to hear your voice, nor is it enough time to speak intelligently. Just hearing your voice, even if you spoke in babble, makes me feel good. But let us speak of things we can understand.
I have some things I need to ask of you my love. But, when I hear your voice, I get so excited that my train of thought is derailed, twisted wreckage, smoking fires, and panicked screams. Individual ideas frantically trying to escape from the burning boxcars of my mind. The sentences I would speak have been scattered along the scorched and smoldering landscape.
So my love, I will need you to participate more willingly and help me to realize one or two paltry, small things. I need you to:
1,Call the DA's office and get that other check released.
There's an 800 number in my large blue notebook.
Talk to Patty.
2, SEE ABOVE.
Please get this done and I let this be the only thing I shall ask of you.
So babe, tell me how you're doing at work. are you settled in with a permanent cleaning crew? Why don't you give me a detailed summary of your day. Describe the houses and what's in them, remember the locations. I want to feel like I'm there with you, watching you as you work. I want to hear your voice. I want to be close enough to smell you, to jump out of a closet and grab you, pull you back in for a moments ravishing. I miss you so.
Guess what? I got an envelope and I don't have to trade any food. It's still Tuesday, and if my calculations are correct you should be reading this Saturday, which means I only have 132 days flat to go. (Flat time is all your total time with no credit for good time.) It's not much compared to the amount of time other inmates are looking at, but time away from you my love cannot be measured.
Once I see The Honorable Mosely SOB, maybe we can knock 20 to 30 days from the flat time. How's that sound? you hang in there and write me soon OK? I love you so much, I close my eyes right now and I see your smiling face, leaning closer to me. I feel your lips touch mine interlock and suck my tongue right out of my head, I hold you tight and no harm will I ever let come to you my love. It won't be too much longer Elizabeth. Bye for now. Love, Pall
08.07.02 9AM
There apperars to be trouble on the horizon, but the trouble can also be avoided on my part. But for two other cell mates, the trouble could erupt at any time, erupt into savage violence. Unrefined violence that could spill over into this very cell and taint the same person who writes this letter. &bnsp;It is hard to say when, where, or even if this trouble will happen at all. You might be thinking that it all sounds somewhat vague in my descriptions thereof, but, don't let these phantom references and narrations increase the tension.
"The terrorist missile thrower was released last night."
In the struggle for chow supremacy, I myself have been skirting the spot lite of the "egg" issue. So here I am sleeping after a glorious breakfast, double the eggs please. The poor pissed off cell mate is slamming the cell door to disturb myself and Clarence from our restive napping. He is still mad about the eggs I believe. He has shown himself to be an ass and it has not gone unnoticed by others. There are reportedly other inmates who are quite ready to bust the lip of stupid GT. Perhaps in the shower room, that is where some inmates go to resolve their petty disputes and criminal mind differences. The shower room is discreet and out of view from the guards station. Do not fear for my safety. I do not plan to participate in any planned brutalities, and I remain alert should any spontaneous bloodshed flare up.
The only problem for me is that Clarence will be released soon, sometime around the 12th, and Shady GT will still be here. I have tried to keep from aligning myself with anyone, and thus far, I believe I am being successful. It is well advised to think twice before offending any inmate with a casual snub. It is well advised to not say anything to anybody in this god forsaken place. You never know how the criminal animal will react. We are governed here by two sets of rules, the rules of the guards who keep us locked down, and the inmate community rules, the ones that result in the "prison mentality". Unfortunate individuals who cannot reorient their thinking, and ultimately they return to a more comfortable life behind bars. A comfortable life where problems and solutions are not as complex, and more times than not, brute physical force coupled with a keen criminal mind rule the day.
So my love, I hope and pray that you and Lizzy, Elsie and Sid are better. It's on your shoulders for a little while baby, I love you so much. You are so much stronger than you know. I'll get out of here and when I come back there will never again be the specter of jail looming over us.
There is too much solitary6 time here alone with my thoughts. I often wonder, "am I worth it?" Am I worth all the hard work and suffering that the people who love me have gone through? Yes, you make it so.
