Here is a portion of the Pall Ball Manifesto recovered from the Pope Pall Lost Archive. The Pope Pall Archive itself is still lost however and we are doing all we can to recover it in its entirety. This is a game of the Pontiff's design that was enjoyed by many in the detention facilities where he was incarcerated.
............Additional Pall Ball Rules.
Rule 8: Any Player found in violation of the throw line or soft toss
rule shall submit to one ass wedgie kick per violation,
or, in the case of hemmoroids, the player may choose to
be penalized 1/2 point
Rule 9: All Judges and Referee's decisions are final and are not subject
to review or replay of anykind. Any player found to
be excessively in protest of any ruling or rule may be physically
compelled to wear the "Pulp Fiction" ball gag for two
rounds of play.If complaining persists after removal of the "Pulp
Fiction" ball gag, multiple ass wedgie kicks may be delivered at any
time, and without any warning by anyone in the field
of play (Referees and Judges included). A participant may at this point file
an official objection with the Office of the Pall Ball Commissioner
and play the remainder of the game under
protest, free of the
"Pulp Fiction" ball gag and shall not be subjected to further Ass
Wedgie Kicks.
Note: normal rules of play are still enforced for the remainder
of the game, and any infractions will result in the
normal disciplinary actions, including the Ass Wedgie Kick and
"Pulp Fiction" ball gag.
Addendum C.
Concerning the use and administration of the ass wedgie kick:
Any player electing or required by penalty to recieve an Ass Wedgie Kick, will be directed to "assume the position" by placing his feet and hand in the provided floor and wall outlines. One hand shall remain free and may be used to block the Ass Wedgie Kick attempt. (Note: Blocking the Ass Wedgie Kick is highly advisable but not mandatory and is entirely at the discretion of each player should he commit a rule infraction. Should said player decide to recieve the full brunt and force of the kick, he will be required to place both palms flat on the wall outlines.) A player attempting to block the Ass Wedgie Kick may do so with either the left, or the right hand but may not use both at once.
The player to administer the kick will do so barefootedly, unless it is determined (by visual inspection) that atheletes' foot, or some other communicable fungus is present, in which case a sock, or canvas shoe shall be worn. If a sock or canvas shoe is not available,one shall be fabricated upon a judges approval of materials. (The regulation standard being toilet paper.)
Should further shoe problems persist...........
(Note: The "kickee" will have no say in the shoe matter
except in the event that the shoe, or substitute thereof
is excessively dirty, whereupon the kickee may voice his
displeasure and demand that the shoe or foot be rinsed in accordance
to cell standards. The kickee should excersize caution
in this matter lest he be deemed to be in violaton of
overly complaining, in which case provisions of
rule 9 shall be in effect and the "Pulp Fiction" ball gag forceably employed.)
...................................the judges may grant the invocation of Ass Wedgie Special Rule #5 that permits a paperback book to be hand held and swung with sufficient force necessary to cause a wedgie.
REGARDING THE ACTUAL KICK:
An umpire shall be specifically assigned to officiate the wedgie kicking phase of any penalty. And it is the umpires responsibility to announce and conduct the proceedure.
The kicker shall take no more than 3 steps in approach before delivering the ass wedgie kick. Should he exceed the 3 step limit, the kick will be disallowed, and play shall resume as normal with no penalty charged.
UPDATE 12NOV05: We will post the missing Pall Ball rules (1 thru 7) after they have been recovered. We are still searching for the Lost Archives. However, we have recovered a portion of the Pall Ball Manifesto that contain the rules text for Half-Court Pall Ball.
Half-Court Pall Ball
(a two player game)
1.) Point scoring for Half-Court Pall Ball and penalty assissment shall be the same as regular Pall Ball with the following exceptions.
a.) Due to the smaller field of play inherent to a 2 man cell, there will be no throw line. However, all wind-ups and throws will now start from the "commencement line". (The penalty for infracting this rule shall remain the same as in regular Pall Ball.)
1b.) Again, due to a fore shortened field of play there shall be no designated hot spot or zone. The entire cell shall be considered in play.
1c.) There will be no Line Judge or Hot Zone Officials in the Half-Court game. Both participants will be on the "Honor System" and will be required to conduct themselves with the utmost decorum and respect should any disputes arise.
2.) TIME OUTS: due to the increased and strenuous physical exertion common in the half-court game, one timeout per player, per game shall be allowed, the length of which shall not exceed 3 minutes. (NOTE: extenuating circumstances may cause non-timeout delays.)
2a.) Any player percieved to be purposefully delaying the game in any manner shall be penalized a 1/2 point assessment or cede an extra throw to his opponent.
3.) A dice sized cube shall be used instead of a ball. This is to enhance its rebound properties since there is no designated Rebound Wall in the half-court version.
3a.) All cell walls may be used for the purpose of rebound plunking.
3b.) The ceiling shall at no time be in play. A Pall Square that comes into contact with the ceiling directly, or in rebound will be immediately ruled dead and the throw will be charged accordingly.
4.) Final scores shall be considered official unless there is a dispute and the game has been played "under protest". The score of this game will be under status until the disputing player has filed a grievance and recieved an answer from the Office of the Pall Ball Commissioner.
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